Thursday, November 20, 2014

Whatta day.

I'm typing this on my phone as I listen to the tail end of Barrett's long, drawn-out, infernal fussing-it-out for bedtime. He's been at this for over an hour. I was thinking something was wrong, until I realized he was totally happy to play with my necklace in the rocking chair. And I'm like; "Barrett, what are you doing? You never give me a problem at bedtime." And he's all, "Thought you were gonna put me down early tonight? NOPE, sucker! That was a nap, and now I'm ready to play at 10:30!" But Barrett has met his match, I'm afraid. It's not playtime.

And Will is such a trooper, laying in bed and listening to his brother making all that noise, just holding his blanket and resting. Every time I've gone in there to soothe and readdress, he sits up in bed and starts pointing out all the artwork above his crib. "See elk?" he whispers loudly. "See big fish, firetruck?"

But Will hasn't been so chill all day. In fact, right before Brian came home, he had his biggest meltdown to date. I've been pretty blessed with a kid who hasn't been given to tantrums thus far, so this might sound pretty mild to some, but it was a showstopper here.

This is how it went:
Naptime is over, and we're heading downstairs. I'm a little flustered because somehow, two hours have gone by and I haven't gotten my stuff done. Brian's coming home in about 20 minutes and I still have a sink full of dishes, a full, clean dishwasher load, and a clean load of folded laundry on the dining room table that needs to be put away, Will happily walks beside me, blanket and tractor in one arm and a Bob the Builder DVD in the other hand.

(Aside: my firstborn is in love with BtB right now. It's just one Bob the Builder Christmas DVD we've borrowed from the library a few times, and we recently picked it up on Wednesday. This time, he wants to carry the case around everywhere he goes, talking to Bob and showing him all his toys. It's quite an obsession. I haven't even let him watch it yet - he gets to on Saturday - and he doesn't want to go anywhere without "Bob.")

So we see some toys that I keep in the guest room. Will wants to play with them. I tell him sure, we can play with those toys downstairs. We're standing at the top of the stairs. I grab the bucket of toys and take Will's tractor and blanket and I take his hand to walk carefully down the steps with me.

Will decides he wants to play with those toys upstairs.

No, honey, I say. We're going to play with them downstairs, because Mommy's got a lot of work to do and you need to help Mommy get the job done and blah blah blah.

NO, William is insistent. MUST PLAY UPSTAIRS.

Patiently, I explain again.

Unconvinced, William persists.

I'm explaining. He starts crying. Put on a happy heart, I say. Come with me right now, I say, my voice still calm but oh, just barely.

I'm standing on the steps with Wiggly Barrett in my left arm, tractor in left hand, blanket thrown over left shoulder, and giant bucket of toys under right arm, a bunch of crap to do downstairs, a ticking clock, and a toddler having a mini meltdown over not being able to play with his toys in his desired location. (Trust me, they'd play just the same downstairs.) I've been trying to reason with him calmly and I can't do it anymore. I snap. I grab his hand. "Listen to me!" I yell at him. He's startled and shocked and starts crying louder, surprised that I'm yelling and mad because I won't give him his toys.

I decide that I am NOT going to sit here and yell at him. Patient reasoning is not working either. I set down the toys and pick him up. I carry him, one-armed, into his crib, grab the Bob the Builder CD out of his hand, and say, "I will come back when you can calm down."

I believe that if I'd just left him in there with Bob, he would have been fine. But I had the GALL to take Bob and Will just fell apart. He sobbed/yelled for twenty minutes straight - STRAIGHT - "I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB!"

In the meantime, I got everything done downstairs. Clothes put away, dishwasher emptied and filled, table set. All to the soundtrack of a miserable little man.

I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB! I WANT BOB!

You understand.

Eventually I went back up. Brian was going to be home in a few minutes and I didn't want him to come home to this. I had planned on waiting but this had gone on long enough. "William, you will not get Bob back until you stop crying."

INSTANT stop.

I walked up to the crib. "William, throwing a fit is not okay. I want you to say you're sorry to Mommy."

"I sowwy Mommy."

"I forgive you. Now Mommy has a big job to do and you need to come downstairs and help.. You need to help by playing with your toys downstairs. Can you have a happy heart and play downstairs?"

He looked up with a perky smile and said, "Yes we can!"

Bob, what have you done to my child?

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Letters to my kids

Dear Will,

Today you asked me, "Mommy, where did the snow go?" I answered, "The snow's gone, buddy. It went bye-bye." You replied, "It went hunting?"

You're missing your daddy a lot these days, huh.

Later this morning, I blew up a couple balloons for you to play with. I asked if you wanted boys or girls, and you said girls, so I drew a couple different girl faces on them. You came back to me a few minutes later, distressed, informing me that this one was mean. "She's MEAN!"

mean-eyed balloon

Your perception and creativity and language are just exploding. I know I say that all the time. It's the only way I can describe these amazing bursts of your growth. You played out in the garage by yourself this afternoon, running your tractor through your little sandbox as I unloaded the dishes. Bo sat in the driveway to keep you company. I heard you calling for me, and when I poked my head out the door you said, "Mommy, I want my green tractor." I said, "Okay, I'll get it - hey, is Bo still there?" You replied in perfect English, "Bo is not here. Can I have my tractor please?" Never mind that Bo WAS there - I was so amazed by the perfect clarity of your answer.

Right now you are being a total pill, waking up 45 minutes into your nap. GO TO SLEEP DUDE. There's a reason I delayed your sleep and it's because even though I love you boys tremendously, I need some alone time or I will become a very Terrible, No-Good, Evil, Awful Mother.

You have a heart-wrenching way of saying, "Mommy, play with me?"
You insist on asking your Daddy, "Daddy, how was your day?"
Every night, when I lay you to sleep, you inform me that Bob's trumpet is bad and that Travis got stuck in the muck.
You are still crazy for tractors.
You rode your tricycle down the driveway this morning yelling, "This is BIG FUN!"
You laugh when Barrett gets food on himself. This morning you said, "Barrett's got stew on the face."

You can't be summed up in the time I've got to blog, but I can assure you that two-and-a-half is WHERE it's AT. I love this age, and I LOVE you.


Dear Barrett,

Right now you are on my back in the carrier because of the aforementioned Premature Naptime Wakeup. I have to confess that I'm definitely disappointed. I look forward to naptime all day. Therefore I am STILL blogging, and you can chill out back there while I finish the other stuff I have to do.

You're almost nine months old and I can't believe it! You smell like garlic right now because of the aforementioned stew. It's so funny that the baby smells like garlic and no one else does.

You're growing quite a bit and I am so relieved! Your doctor's appointment is in a couple of days and I'm very curious to see how you're doing. I know you're healthy but it's nice to have that confirmed by another source.

You are really a tremendous source of joy to all of us. You always have a smile on your face and several loud words to speak at any moment. You love exploring but always find your way back to my feet, whining to be picked up. I'll hold you close while I can, little man. 

I still very much enjoy nursing you, though not two or three times a night. It was because of this that we recently reinstated sleep training, and in five days you are once again sleeping through the night with no ill effects to you OR me. (Ha!) Now William seems to be coming down with a cold, so I may not be enjoying uninterrupted rest if you get it too. I thank God for the health we've been enjoying for over a month now. It may be coming to an end!

Seeing you discover the world around you is charming. The most interesting things hold your attention for long stretches, and they're almost never toys. So many things you do make me remember Will at your age, and I am constantly reminded of how fast this all is flying by. Two and a half years is not a long time, but already I have held TWO tiny newborns and now I see a chunky crawling, cruising baby and a very grown-up little boy.

Barrett, you can't be summed up either, and it's not helping that you're squirming on my back, pressuring me to get to the housework. I love you so much.

I thank God for you two every day.

Love, Momma

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Today

Will, waking up from his nap: I want chooooooooclate.
Me: Well then, you have to go pee-pee on the potty. Do you want to go pee-pee on the potty?
Will: NO THANK YOU!

Will, on the way upstairs to bed: Goodnight Wendy! Goodnight, Bob! Goodnight, Farmer Pickles! I gon' go to bed now! Thanks for coming show you my toys!

Barrett is SO into climbing on top of things right now. Whether it's the box of blocks, the basket of books, or the little potty seat, he stands for several minutes with his hands propped up, babbling to the room. Now he's started trying to hoist his legs up there too, which makes him immensely frustrated. Thanking God he hasn't discovered the stairs yet.

Life is crazy right now and I have no business blogging during this rare morning to myself. I have laundry, cooking, cleaning, and a million other things on my list. How in the world can it be that only two months ago I was trying to convince Brian to adopt a toddler from foster care and now I am seriously doubting my ability to keep my own two kids from escaping the house without me noticing?