Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Enough of this!

I miss blogging.

I've got about four half-finished blogs saved in my Blogger account, so no, I haven't forgotten about The Wonder Wife. I just haven't felt up to publishing any of it - even a story of Beau peeing on a mallard's nest and chasing said duck into the lake.

The truth is, I've been a slacker in general. The other night, do you know what Brian did? He came home and, while waiting for a dinner that I was madly throwing together, started washing the walls.

Washing the walls.

Now, I don't mean to make Brian sound bad, because really, he works sixty-hour weeks, but he does not do housework. He mows the lawn and cleans the gutters and organizes the garage, but he does not do minor chores like sorting laundry or sweeping the floor. Or, most certainly, washing the walls.

And since Beau had his vasectomy procedure done about a week and a half ago, he's been stressed, which is the apparent cause for his coat suddenly shedding like an autumn tree. This does not bode well for my floors, my allergies, and our general safety. At this very moment, great clumps of dust are multiplying beneath beds and furniture and soon they will emerge and attack, taking advantage of my weakened dog and my own unpreparedness. They will take over my house and soon, rule the world.

The other day I found a tick that had fed on Beau 'til it could eat no more, then had fallen off, engorged, and had begun pulling its massive body across my dining room floor, heading, no doubt, to lay lots of tiny tick eggs in the refrigerator vents. I was shocked. Engorged ticks crawling across one's floor is a sad, sad sign of terrible things to come.

To top it all off, my neighbor stopped by the other day and, bless her heart, told me she'd never seen my house so filthy. "I love it," she said, laughing. But I am sure not even a San Fransisco earthquake could have cracked a smile onto my face.

Now, of course you all know that the title of this blog is meant to be sarcastic, a self-deprecating stab at irony. However, right now it could be named "The Adequate Wife" and still accomplish that goal.

My, my.

Maybe, just maybe, if I post a blog and then get to work, then somehow I'll manage to log out after some hours, stand up, clean up, make dinner, put some makeup on, and get out of this funk. Maybe ending the neglect of this blog is the key. Maybe today, I can pretend to be The Wonder Wife.

Please, wish me luck.


Monday, May 10, 2010

Hello, hello! Hello again!

Well, folks! It's Monday again, and I've grown to really enjoy the first day of the work week. It's almost like New Year's Day - another week, another chance to get things right, an opportunity to have a great five days until the weekend.

I suppose I could write about all of this, but there's been a lot going on! In a nutshell, within the past ten days or so:

We went to Mexico for Christie and Mike's wedding - Brian performed the ceremony and did a GREAT job!

We planted eight more fruit trees in the backyard - and that makes fourteen. Two plum, three nectarine, four apple, one grapefruit, two mulberry, and two cherry trees. With the raspberry patch and the blueberry bushes, I'm hoping we'll save a lot of money in years to come. And maybe - JUST maybe - I'll learn to can. Can!

A neighbor and I hosted a baby shower for a friend at my house. I had a great time - I hope everyone else did, too. However, NOTE: a half-gallon of iced tea is not enough for eight people.

I took a friend to a roller-skating rink. And skated! And remained upright!

Brian and I hijacked an abandoned paddleboat and for the first time ever, explored the lake near our house. Brian caught wide-mouth bass, I read, and Bo spent his time freaking out about the fishing pole. For a good chunk of the trip, my dog's front claws dug into my bare thighs while his butt was perched on my shoulder like a frightened parrot. Once he got settled in the back of the paddleboat, however, we had a great time.

Brian recovered from Montezuma's Revenge. Eventually.

I baked all the moms and grandmas cookies for Mother's Day, bought cards and wrote thoughtful messages, packaged everything up - and FAILED to make it to the post office in time to send them. Ugh. This week.


And today, I received an email from Valerie in Nigeria informing me and Brian that we have a compensation "cheque" waiting to be collected... in the amount of $800 MILLION dollars!!! Can you believe it?! All she needs is my contact information! When I get my "cheque", I'll send all of my readers at LEAST $1,000 each! Maybe even $2,000 each! What an amazing day! Eight hundred million dollars!

Here's to the remainder of May... and here's a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my baby sister Erin... who turned seventeen on Sunday. I remember turning seventeen as though it were yesterday. My seventeenth year was one of the most important years of my life. In fact, I started (kind-of) dating Brian for the first time when I was seventeen.

Anyway, it's with a smile on my face and a thankful heart for my gutsy husband, my seventeen-year-old baby sister, my mom, mother-in-law, and all the grandmas that I say: Happy Monday!