Friday, March 27, 2015

End of March.

Says, when excited: "After VIS (this), it's gonna be WOUD!" (loud)
"All DEBOARD!" with his head thrown back and his fingers on his chin as if to amplify the sound)
"Hey, who put away my train? That's not very nice."
"This is gonna be super super fun."
"This is gonna be super scary."
"SHHHHHH. I'm washing my train."
"Mommy, can I have some M&Ms?" "No, Will." "After my rest, NOW I can have some M&Ms."
"This strawberry's not very good."
When about to go to the bathroom: "I don't want to talk to Morty Bumble and Emma and Bob and Larry."

Barrett says:
He drives his cars on the floor and blows raspberries to imitate the engine sound. This morning he looked up with spit all over his adorable face.
He signs eat, banana, blanket, more and waves hi and bye

Barrett is so little and snuggly. Will is cuddly too. Will my boys one day move far away? Will they marry women who hate me? Are these warm, wonderful, snuggly days an early compensation?

I sometimes feel like Barrett is a warm little puppy dog. I even call him my little puppy sometimes. HE is just so chubby, warm, lightweight, and sweet-smelling. He climbs up my leg and does a little seize of joy when he's in my arms. He has a wonderful balance of needing me and of entertaining himself. When I lay him down for his nap, Will goes right tosleep but Barrett fools around and talks to himself for twenty minutes, no matter how tired he is. He makes a NOM NOM NOM noise when he's sucking his thumb and trying to fall asleep.

Will repeats things he's heard long ago and recalls memories made over a year ago. Maybe this is normal but I'm always surprised. We have to be very careful what we say. I must say though, I LOVE having an almost three year old as much as I thought I would. Just this morning, as I was typing this blog post, I heard a cry upstairs and went to check things out. I ended up rocking a half-sleepy Barrett who kept popping his head up to joke around with me. Should I take him down for breakfast? Should I put him back in bed? It made me remember the days of Will being that little. The days felt so long, as I felt so guilty for that. He was too little to talk but still wanted constant interaction. William was adorable - adorable! - but it felt so impossible to get things done. As I rocked Barrett I looked over as Will's sleeping body and thought, when Will wakes up, the house will be full of chatter and fun. OR maybe meltdowns and requests, but those are thankfully infrequent. Will is the bright sunny personality that entertains and comforts Barrett and that makes they days fly by most of the time.

I have noticed Will "washing" his toys pretty often lately. He takes his two hands and rubs them all over and makes a SHHHH sound. He sincerely panics when he spots "dirt" (a dog hair, usually) on any of his toys. Yesterday I looked at him innocently washing his little train and I felt some pain in my heart. Is he going to struggle with anxiety? He's always saying "it's too scary for me" or "that's super scary". I bounce around in my responses. Sometimes I am patient, explaining and reassuring. Sometimes I am brisk: "Will, you're not allowed to be afraid of the window shade." Last night I was bold: "Will, I want you to say this: For the Lord! - has not! - "given me a spirit of fear! - but of power! - and of love! - and of a sound mind! - And I WILL NOT be afraid! - for the Lord my GOD! - is at my right hand!" He repeated it and got into it and I decided I will do that more often.

But I'm also prepared that if this is going to be his struggle, it may be a long haul. It's very sad to me when he doesn't want to go to the tractor barn with Daddy (something he would have JUMPED at last spring) because he's afraid of the tractor starting. Why? We've explained it won't start on its own. Sometimes I appreciate my cautious little boy. There aren't broken lamps or broken bones or potted plants dug up around the house. But shouldn't he want to get his hands dirty? Is it normal for him to not want paint or crumbs or any speck of anything on his hands?

I love my kids so much. I have to accept that they will struggle with things, and that those struggles aren't automatically a result of my failings as a mom. But I'll be darned if I'm not going to battle these things with everything in me.

On a lighter note, Barrett is *this close* to walking. He stood on his own two nights ago! I know he could do it... he just doesn't want to. As long as he's walking by the time the weather warms up and we can go in the sprinkler, that'd be awesome. This little dude is so bold and cheerful. I love his hambone ways. Last night at dinner Will was having a hard time. (He had a hard day in general.) He was chewing a grape and wanting to spit it out because "I don't like my grape." And I told him no, he had to swallow it, so he was whimpering and whining, and Barrett is sitting next to him with a paper plate in his hands, beaming an enormous smile and smacking himself in the face in an attempt to play fast-peek-a-boo. Hilarious contrast.

I'll have to write more soon, I miss blogging, and I'm looking forward to doing it more. For the record, it was snowing this morning.

Starting seeds for the garden - a moment I expected would be more magical than it turned out to be. It was "I want to play in that dirt! But wait! Is that DIRT on my hands? NO!"

Will bumming a ride.

Brian showing Will the bear skull. In the background Barrett is holding one of his favorite toys, an old cosmetic brush.

Three dudes eating dinner at the counter.

Will trying on his tux for this summer's wedding! MATTHEW AND KASS!

Crying over spilled milk

How it usually looks when Will gives Barrett a 'nice hug'

Chilling in Barrett's crib

We have a love/hate relationship with bathtime bubbles

Bob the Builder still pops up every so often

"Helping" daddy fix the stove. See Will holding the hammer and banging daddy's leg.

A snap I took. 'Weaster' is coming soon...

No comments:

Post a Comment