Thursday, July 23, 2015

You're a girl!

Dear sweet little one,

My little girl.

I can't believe I am having a little girl!

The plan was always to wait until your birth, to find out your sex. But the morning of your anatomy scan, I couldn't help feeling that this was the day I'd know.

I asked Dana, the ultrasound tech, if there was any way I could run back to the car to grab the envelope and paper I'd forgotten? She told me, Don't worry about it! I'm all set up for that. I can get you a card in an envelope.

And after admiring you, your perfect little body squirming around the screen, I drove home with two envelopes on my lap - one full of the grainy black-and-white photos I would eagerly show your daddy, and one sealed tightly with a secret safe inside.

I held the envelope up to the sunlight, to no avail. I called your daddy and I told him, "I have an envelope in the car with me, with the baby's sex inside! Can we open it when I get home?!"

He was amused, but he was also needing to get to work and he was dealing with Will, who had thrown up a couple of times. "Let's figure out what we want to do with it tonight," he suggested.

How could I wait until that night?!

I didn't get anything done all day. The minute he got home, I launched. "Let's open it!"

"If we're going to open it, I think your parents should be there," he said.

As it turned out, Grandma and Grandpa and Auntie Erin were home. William was feeling better again. So we planned it. A little, tiny, impromptu party for our little, tiny, 10 ounce baby.

Erin, who was initially disappointed that we'd decided to find out, nevertheless threw herself into the new plan, decorating with streamers and frosting a loaf of banana bread with blue and pink icing on either side. By the time we got there, she was as excited to know as I was.

Daddy, Mommy, Barrett, and Will wore ribbons indicating Team Pink or Blue. Daddy and Will were Team Girl!

We all debated about how we would do the big reveal. We knew that Grandpa was going to open the envelope and tell us, but how? Somebody suggested he light the appropriate side of the cake, either the blue or the pink side depending on the secret inside the card.

With bated breath, we watched him open the card. It was a trick card! Your daddy had written inside, "Sucker!" Grandpa was so disappointed. I think he thought we weren't really going to find out after all! I hurried to tell him we really did have the real card, and his face brightened. This time, I didn't know what was inside the envelope. We watched as he opened the card and with a poker face he picked up the lighter. Auntie Erin said, "Oh, it must be a boy! He's not crying." With the flame he slowly made his way over to the blue side of the cake to light the candle, then in a split second he switched sides and lit the pink. I screamed, "It's a girl??" I jumped up and down. I was so excited! I couldn't believe my reaction! It was as though every Christmas morning I'd ever had were condensed into one moment of feeling like I was getting exactly what I wanted.

As soon as grandpa lit the pink candle, he began to cry. Daddy smiled broadly, and William and Barrett were just excited about the candles on the cake. Will shouted, "Happy birthday!" Auntie Erin and Grandma cheered and hugged me. There were hugs and pictures all around. I'll never forget the joy in the room as we texted and called the rest of the family and told them you were coming!

I thought I might be disappointed to know your sex, after having been surprised with your brothers, but I'm not. I'm so excited to prepare for you, both materially and emotionally. I'm so thankful for you. Your precious life means so much already. Everytime you kick, I think, that's my baby girl. That's my baby girl in there. Whatever you look like, whatever you are, whatever you become, I love you and welcome you with open arms. I adore your two big brothers and I adore you, too. What a happy family you are joining.

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