Sunday, July 28, 2019

Yeah, I’m into fitness. ‘Fitness’ whole box of ice cream bars into my body.

I’m in a melancholy mood. I’m laying next to William, watching him sleep. He’s been throwing up for the last twenty-four hours. We are in Charlevoix for the second time this summer, and had big plans for our last day-and-a-half here. Those plans did not include the stomach flu for my little guy. His eyes are sunken, lids half open as he sleeps, revealing bloodshot eyes. I’m waiting to see if the water he sipped an hour ago will stay down. I’ve coped with the disappointment and sadness of seeing him miserably sick, during what should be the highlight of his summer, by eating. I’ve been stuffing my face non-stop over the past twenty-four hours, as though I’m eating Will’s calories for him, or as though I’m just daring my body to also catch the stomach flu. I came to Charlevoix proud of my abs, and I’m leaving looking six months pregnant. 

Throughout the night I dozed on and off, watching William lay awake between bouts of vomiting. I had fitful dreams, the main one being that I invited all of my MyFitnessPal friends to my home for dinner. We introduced ourselves in person and talked about fitness and injuries. I woke from that dream, missing that community something fierce. Recent circumstances required I delete my MFP account. I’d had that account since 2011, and had logged in daily for almost the past three years. I didn’t realize, when I chose to delete, the profound sense of loss I’d feel after some time had gone by. That group had cheered me on after tough workouts, had encouraged me during those hectic days after having Mac and trying to balance fitness and homeschooling and four small kids. It was nice that they were strangers; I could vent about things I felt my real-life friends would find obnoxious (fitness). We were all there for the same thing, and no one grew bored of hearing about things my real-life friends might find annoying (well, fitness). I think about fitness daily, but I’m well aware that no one cares about how much I can bench, whether or not it’s Flex Friday, or why I can’t decide between a hypertrophy circuit or powerlifting for my next training block. 

So I’m melancholy, because my little boy is so sick, because I feel disgustingly full, and because my fitness community is gone.

But you know what? This is my void, my space in which to blather on and on. So I’m gonna do that. “Sing to Life and Fitness.

So please indulge me as I think aloud, about my training goals for the remainder of summer/fall. I often vacillate between prioritizing aesthetics vs. performance. However, I recently cut down to the 60kg weight class for a powerlifting competition I was thinking of doing this month, and I’m very happy with my appearance. So happy, in fact, that I have not been too concerned about my lifts suffering (probably helps that I decided to not compete after all). So I suppose aesthetics trumps performance during this time of year, and I’m okay with that. I’ve also seen an improvement in my cardio performance, which is almost as important to me as my lifting numbers, so I’d like to include that as a focus. 

Goals for Summer/Fall 2019
1. Maintain weight
2. Train for powerlifting
3. Continue intense cardio

1. Maintain weight. It has become much easier to stay within my macros since beginning intermittent fasting. Yes, most mornings I wake up and do not feel like fasting until dinner. And many nights, I snack beyond my macros. But overall, I’ve been able to remain consistent enough that staying in the 60kg class is very doable, even with an untracked day each week. The problem at hand, however, is that I’m returning home from this trip well over 60kg. I’ve decided to spend the rest of July in a protein-sparing modified fast (beginning 7/29). On August 1, I’ll begin a three-day reverse into maintenance calories (1200, 1500, 1800) where I’ll stay through the rest of summer/fall, depending on weight changes.
2. Powerlifting. I still hope to compete one of these years. After reading extensively about different intermediate lifting programs, I’ve decided to stay with the undulating periodization program I’ve been using. My issues with it have been the length of time required lately (over 90 minutes most days, including child interruptions), and the fact that my numbers have been dropping. This is most likely because I’ve been cutting weight and probably taxing myself a little too much with accessories and excessive warmups. I tend to go all-out and approach my lifting sessions with a rather rigid mindset (“if a little is good, more is better- and if I could do it last week, I better be able to do it today”). I’ll leave the intense cardio for my alternate cardio days and keep the warmup sets and accessories to a minimum. 
3. Intense cardio. I could definitely stand to increase my endurance, and I like to have three alternate cardio days to offset lifting. Insanity Max30 pushes me more than I push myself, and schedule changes have recently eliminated running as a cardio option, so Insanity Max30 it is. These half-hour workouts are really challenging for me, so they’re a better option than running in a few ways. I’ll miss seeing the fireflies come out during my evening runs, though. 

So having taken the time to read, research, and think out loud here, I guess I’ve decided to move forward without changing much. Ha! That’s probably a good thing- hopefully it means I’ve been on the right track. I’ll be retesting my one-rep max in about a week, and I’ll be taking some notes during my PSMF/reverse, so I’ll include those here later. 

It’s taken me several minutes, here and there, to write this post today, between packing and taking care of the kiddos. I’m happy to report that William did stop vomiting around 10 AM and ate some potato chips at lunchtime (it was all I could find to entice him- nothing else would work!). We left CHX at 3:30 PM, are almost home, and he has slept most of the way. And I’m feeling a little less blue- clarifying goals always helps me perk up. I’m looking forward to a good night’s sleep, a solid training session tomorrow, and the memory of those Dove bars and cheesecake to carry me through the next week. 

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