Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Guess what?

It's the middle of summer and I look terrible in a bathing suit.

In one sense, it doesn't really matter, because I don't plan on strutting around in a bikini in front of lots of pool-goers. We don't ever go to the community pool, and when I do go with my 'little sister' I wear shorts and a tank top over it. I just always feel too self-conscious to enjoy myself if I'm baring it all. Call me crazy, but whatever. That doesn't really matter.

HOWEVER, my neighbors recently asked me to watch their house while they were away, and they have a pool, so of course I said YES! (For the record, I probably would have been happy to do it if they didn't have a pool.) But it was perfect timing, really, because summer in the south means that This Horrible Heat is so bad that it's pretty much a good enough excuse to commit any crime you can think of. Anyway, to get to the point, I was swimming in the privacy of their backyard when I caught a glimpse of myself in their glass doors and I just about YIKES.

And I was pretty disappointed because I always figured that if there's ever a time in my life when I should look my best it would be in my early twenties, pre-children... right? And my time as a childfree woman is limited, really, so why have I let myself go like this?

It's not that I'm fat or feel fat, but let's just say I lack tone. Lack tone to the point that if my legs were auditioning for choir, they'd be booed off the stage after a single note. And I know this is because I've been destroying my body, nutritionally, by eating cookie dough chunks right out of the freezer to the tune of oh, four or five per day, as well as eating regular meals and going out for fast food with my little sister once per week. "I can do it," says my brain to the rest of my body, "because I've been working out."

Ha, ha, brain. Good one. It's not like I've been running marathons, so no, I don't really have the green light to eat lots of cookie dough - but thanks, brain.

Anyway, I'm going to get back to my 'diet', and I figured that if I blogged about it I could stay accountable. So please? Guys? Ruthlessly berate me if I fail. I know that the threat of an internet flogging will keep me towing the line.

I'll be following the No S Diet, which is simple and brilliant and every time I do it, it works. Only - how come I haven't been able to resume it? I've tried and tried to pick it back up, but this time, with the blog as my last resort, I hope to be successful. Basically, it's no sweets, no snacks, and no seconds except on s days (Saturdays, Sundays, and special days - Christmas, Thanksgiving, and days when I feel moody or feel mad at Brian or feel sad about being flabby okay pretty much just weekends and holidays). Three meals a day. And make them healthy, or else.

So today?
Breakfast: Herba-Smoothie and coffee with stevia and almond milk
(Incidentally, I'd much rather have sugar and cream in my coffee because that tastes WAY better. But this way is healthier, and it's fun to pretend that I'm living in a world where liberal hippies have taken over and only vegan and organic things are available to eat and drink.)
Lunch: Cup of homemade refrigerator-vegetable-and-chicken soup and a nectarine
Dinner: Venison steak and caprese salad

Please help me. When I get pregnant, I'll be beyond anyone's reach if I keep up this cookie dough habit.


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