Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Way We Decided to Get Hitched, Part II.

So maybe the first part of this story sounded a little somber, but don't let that make you think I was anything but elated at the thought of marrying Brian. He was drop-dead gorgeous, with a football-player build and a confident way of inspiring respect... and he wanted me to be his wife. I could hardly believe it - still can't, sometimes. However, when he suggested June for a wedding date, my first thoughts were "that's five months away!" and "my parents are going to flip out!"

During our conversation, I had pulled out a little one-sheet calendar of 2006, with small numbers arranged in tiny rows. Looking at the year in a glance, I told him June was too early - I was thinking about taking summer classes to earn a few more credits before getting married and moving away from my full-ride scholarship to the university. (This is why my parents were going to flip out.) I suggested October, and he complained that it was too far away. Looking back, I think his objection had more to do with hunting season, but I suppose I'll never know for sure.

Now, keep in mind that we weren't engaged just yet. Although my parents knew we were planning to get married, I believe my mom was thinking more along the lines of a Christmas 2006/Spring 2007 wedding. But Brian's persistence led us to compromise on August. And when we agreed, I held that tiny calendar in my hand and circled the number 26 with a pen. "August 26, 2006," I said. "I like it. Twos and sixes."

Unfortunately, the news was broken to my mom in a not-so-gentle way. I don't remember exactly how it happened but it seems to me that a few days later, I discreetly told a friend that we were "maybe thinking August"... and she then walked up to my mom at church and said, "So, I hear you're planning an August wedding!"

After church that night, my parents were understandably confused and a little hurt. So... what? Are you engaged? AUGUST? Didn't you want to tell us? What about COLLEGE? Why didn't Brian talk to your father? I explained that no, we were not engaged (though I'd be taking that up with Brian very soon), and that I was sorry (I was), and that I had meant to tell them soon (I HAD!), and that I was sure Brian would talk to my dad (of course), and that the date wasn't set in stone (it was), and that I would still finish college (I kind of didn't).

They knew we were both adults, that we had planned on getting married, and that Brian was absolutely the best catch in the world. So it wasn't long before my mom resigned herself to losing Her Favorite Child and decided to get onboard the Wedding Planning Adventure Train.

Of course my next conversation with Brian was: So... when are we going to get engaged? Knowing now that I only had six months or so, I figured I'd better start planning - but I did not want to do that without a ring on my finger. When I told Brian this, he encouraged me to start planning anyway - or wait, if I wanted to. Either one! How hard could it be to plan a wedding? There was no rush to make me his fiancee, it seemed he was saying. We loved each other, we had a date, and besides - he needed to save money for a ring.

Oh, brother, I was thinking. We don't have time for you to save for a ring. I had a trip planned to see him in early March, and I eagerly offered it as an opportunity for him to pop that darn question... the one I'd already pretty much answered by circling that date on my calendar.

But no, he objected. "I'm sorry baby, but we'll have to wait until we see each other in May."


I tried to explain that three months was just not long enough to be engaged. True, I could swallow my pride and plan a wedding without a ring on my finger....

But honestly, I wanted to enjoy being a fiancee as long as I could!

I can see now that it was kind of silly to be saying, "When are you going to propose? Why not March? COME ON!" I wish I would have just left it up to him instead of getting my hair all tied up in knots. I mean, we had already set a date - the commitment was clearly there. My advice to anyone in a similar position: CHILL OUT. Asking your man, "When are you going to ask me to marry you?" when you've already set a wedding date is like... I don't know. Obnoxious. Like a customer who orders something and then calls 24 hours later to find out where their product is. Just bad form.

Thankfully, Brian didn't give up on me. If he had realized that this only signified my impatient, graceless nature, that might have happened. Or maybe he did realize it, but was too swept away by my charming table manners to care. Who knows?

I'm sure you're dying to find out if he ever popped the question.

Too bad!


(P.S. Heehee. Here's Part III.)


1 comment:

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