It's a WonderWife recipe!

Just kidding!

It's an
I'm-hungry,
I-don't-know-what-the-heck-to-make-myself,
I-think-I've-given-myself-the-Gestational-Diabetes-and-I'd-better-eat-like-it-until-I-know-for-sure,
I'm-feeling-lazy,

pregnant WONDERWIFE meal!

Okay. Are you ready?

MAEG'S MEXICAN DIP
1. Take a can of fat free refried beans,

[INSERT nice photo of said can]

2. And half a pound of seasoned, precooked taco meat you might have in the freezer...

[I used venison, look at me being all CREATIVE!]

3. And hot sauce, lots and lots of hot sauce-

[Insert rant and rave about my latest favorite kind]

4. And mix said ingredients together. Heat on stovetop or in microwave.

5. Divide in half, so you can eat the remainder on Monday morning when you're hungry for breakfast.

6. Top with shredded cheddar cheese and melt.

7. Take a big pile of romaine lettuce leaves to DIP in your lazy meat mixture. HEALTHY chips, ohyeahbaby.

[INSERT beautiful photo of crisp lettuce and steaming taco meat-bean-cheese mix on a pristine countertop]

8. Eat while watching an episode of Cake Boss on Netflix. But only if you can do so without madly, insanely craving cake.

Whoa, mama.

I LOVE being pregnant, so far. There have been a few unpleasant, short-lived symptoms and a few moments of panicky worry but all has proven itself to be well. I am sleeping like a rock all through the night, I'm walking the dog every day, I'm getting special attention from friends and family, Brian's being extra-sweet, the weather is perfect, and the baby moves more like a ballet dancer than a ninja. Besides the fact that I'm putting on pounds like a prize-fighter, I feel GREAT and for the most part, pretty normal!

Except...

I've turned into a monster of rage. Seriously. I have a fuse about 1/4 mm long. I thought that pregnancy would make me really weepy and emotional. After all, that's what I've always heard. NOPE. It makes me want to run drivers off the road because they're turning right, right in front of me goshdarnit, and do they have to SLOW DOWN TO MAKE THAT TURN?! 

A list of things that have set me off in the past, OH, 24 hours:

- Bo pulled on his leash.

- UPS raised their shipping rates.

- A car slowed down and turned right, after I switched to his lane to go FASTER.

- The riding stables canceled the activity I'd planned for the girl I mentor.

- Some chocolate fell off the toffee I made.

- The taco meat didn't cook fast enough.

- I broke one of the egg yolks for Brian's breakfast.

- The sun was shining in my eyes.

- Someone spilled buffalo sauce on the upholstery in the truck.

- I ran out of water RIGHT when I sat down to relax.

- My hand hurt while I was making the bed.

- The envelope I'd brought up from the basement didn't fit the things I wanted to ship.

- There was too much laundry.
- My normal jeans were too tight.
- My maternity jeans were too big.
- I bit my lip.
- My sandwich wasn't hot enough.
- I discovered I'd gained five pounds in three days.
- I had to go to the grocery store for the third time in three days.
- Anonymous people online can be total morons.

- Brian didn't wash a frying pan.

- Some food stuck to the silverware when the dishwasher was SUPPOSEDLY done cleaning it.

- Some of the dust from the vaccuum filter didn't make it into the garbage.

- The Q-tip Brian threw toward the bathroom trash didn't make it into the garbage.

- Newt Gingrich won South Carolina. 

- Newt Gingrich is actually running.

- Brian left two globs of toothpaste in the sink.

- I accidentally purchased CD-R disks instead of CD-RW disks.

- Brian didn't help me bring in the groceries. (He didn't know I needed help.)

So... I am not going to keep listing things. In my defense, when I say "set me off," I don't mean that I start raging around the house and throwing plates against the wall. Instead, without warning, a tidal wave of red-hot anger surges up inside my chest and I want to SCREAM! And punch something!

It's insanely bizarre. I'm not in a BAD mood... these things don't make me grouchy. I'll be humming along like a Disney princess, dancing about the house just loving life, and then ZOOM... instant angry energy, like an electric zap... then gone. Whammo!

It's frightening me! And I do believe it is frightening my husband. I am beginning to recognize a familiar, wide-eyed expression of shock and horror on Brian's face. Last night, after I apologized 2.4 seconds after slamming a door at his back, he said, "You know you're nuts, right?"

Pregnancy has turned me into a person who wants to slam the phone down on customer service people. And I WORK in customer service. What have I become?!

WonderWife perfect parenting begins... the dawn of a new day!

So I entered some basic criteria into our insurance search tool and found about 400 results for 'pediatrician' within 10 miles of my zip code. Oh boy. What in the world?

(I love this picture, by the way. It's so deliciously evil.)

I figured that since I have eighty million things to cross off my list before Baby Dubs gets here, I should probably start tackling them the way I normally DON'T tackle large lists: work on one task at a time, start early, and do a little bit each day. Today's task was finding a pediatrician - or at least STARTING the process.

I think that the first, absolutely most vital and important thing about finding a pediatrician is making sure that the location is convenient. Can I get an AMEN?! So I picked the first name on the list and called the office. An answering service picked up with a menu of choices. Yuck. I don't want to have to listen to a three-minute message before speaking to the front desk. Disconnect.

The second office I called was - BINGO! Perfect. The lady sounded nice- that's important to me.
Are you accepting new patients? Yes.
Will you bill my insurance company for me? Yes, we will.
What's your take on vaccine schedules? She paused, then said, I can have the doctor call you about that if you'd like. (That sounded like a bonus, that the doctor would call a non-patient about a question.)
I said, Well, I'm looking for a place that adheres to recommended schedules. She said, There are no unvaccinated kids at our practice, we won't allow it. I said, Wonderful.
I said, So, can I go with you guys?
She asked if I wanted to come in to see the office and meet the doctors. I said sure, and she said, come during lunch and that way you'll have their undivided attention. Cool! I told her I wasn't in a rush, so we scheduled it for February 9.
Thank you so much, goodbye!

Then as an afterthought, I googled the practice. Solidly good reviews, excellent! Then I looked at their website and loved what I saw. A male doctor and female doctor, a nurse practitioner, not much staff, and an open walk-in clinic five days a week.

It sounds like I can sort-of halfway cross that off my list! And even with writing this blog post about it, it took me less than a half hour. AMAZING, Maeg.

In which I give up trying to post the rest of the Montana pictures-

-and just give a bunch of spoiler alerts.

The new Blogger is conspiring with Picasa web albums to ensure that I will never post the rest of the Montana trip. I have, on more than one occasion, given up on figuring it out- hence I haven't written about the rest of the trip. I WILL, I promise, because there is nothing worse than stubborn technology. Picasa web albums has changed and so has Blogger, but one thing hasn't changed- ME. I am persistent and procrastinatory as ever. Meaning, I will get to it eventually. And when I do, nothing will stand in my way.

1. Spoiler alert number one: we did NOT get anything in Montana. No elk, no mule deer. It was a wonderful trip for many reasons, but it was super disappointing to see Brian's face fall every evening. Nevertheless, such is life.

2. Spoiler alert number two: we brought home a little buddy with us, and it stuck around even though we initially tricked it into thinking it was going to be a Montana baby. I'm happily in the 2nd trimester, 21 weeks now, due May 22. God is amazing and I am humbled.

3. Rumor has it the world is going to end this year, so.... great. Just great.