Thursday, April 23, 2009

Wonder Wife Tip of the Day

If you’re a housewife, you may have noticed that your productivity drops dramatically whilst you are on a phone call. So you probably won’t be surprised to learn that studies have shown that humans, when trying to accomplish more than one task simultaneously, focus more attention on the skill that they learned first in life – for example, when driving and eating a taco, you can bet your brain is going to be on getting that warm and delicious taco in your mouth… and then on driving your car.

So, since women are practically born talking, it’s easy to see that not much else is going to get done while we are on the phone. This problem has been compounded by the fact that cordless phones are a relatively new technology – therefore, modern housewives are saddled with overcoming the generational practice of standing in one spot to talk on a corded phone. Sadly, it would seem that the only way to get housework done would be to stop talking… right? Yes, it’s a depressing thought, but you can rest assured that with a lot of work and determination, you can find another solution.

The answer? Learn to do two things... at one time.

The very best housewives have mastered this skill over years of discipline and focus. For less experienced women, the key is practice, practice, practice – and, of course, beginning with small, manageable steps. Are you used to sitting on the couch and talking on the phone? Try this: while you chat, walk in circles around your dining room table! This way, though nothing may be getting done around the house, at least you’re exercising!

Once you’ve learned to pace effectively, you can try something more challenging. Washing dishes, for example, is a good activity to attempt while you are on the phone, as it requires only movement of the hands. It would be wise to master this process before trying a task that requires movement and mobility - a task, for example, like sweeping the floor or wiping down your baseboards.

The most difficult aspect of accomplishing housework while on the phone is learning to work effectively with your head stuck to your shoulder. To combat the inevitable spinal problems this will cause you, work on switching the phone from ear to ear. It will be tough, I can promise you this. But keep at it. One day, you will be able to close a call by saying proudly, “Well, Jane, I’ve mopped my bathroom floor, cleaned my toilets, finished dinner, and sewn a quilt, and now my husband is walking up the steps, so I must let you go.” Jane, who may very well have spent the entire conversation on her couch, will be duly condemned.

By the way, if you use a cell phone for these calls, you have a duty to ensure it is fully charged before beginning a phone call. Otherwise, you will spend the conversation attached to the wall while your phone is plugged in. Not only will this cause major setbacks in your individual progress, it will also hinder human evolutionary progress, as corded phones must always remain a thing of the past.

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