Monday, August 23, 2010

Rant! Vent! Anger, Rage! Growl, growl, nag!

Finding pet peeves comes easily to me. Like a hawk who spots a field mouse a mile away, I often notice the negative aspects of life first and can focus on them endlessly.

I realize this isn't a healthy character trait and therefore I am trying to let go of previously prized pet peeves. Do you, elderly gentleman, wish to brake to a crawl on a steeply declining stretch of road, causing me to brake behind you and miss an opportunity to conserve gas? I shall graciously allow it. Do you, surly Walmart cashier, wish to bag each of my 75 grocery items individually, causing me to return home with twelve pounds of plastic to now recycle? Okay, go ahead, I will live. And do you, conservative radio talk show host from whom I would love to learn useful facts and relevant current information, wish to instead focus on the ever-widening media bias by once again comparing the oil spill to Hurricane Katrina? No problem - I will sigh delicately and change the station.

I'm trying to loosen up, to let it go! Life's too short to spend it finding new pet peeves!

Only, I've recently found one.

And I've decided that it's my all-time pettest peeve. It's so pet that I've decided I will give up all the others, in order to keep this peeve and feed it all sorts of good negative energy. Honestly, the fact that this act bothers me so much surprises me, because there are certainly worse things in the world. (Even though really, I've never heard someone say, "Ugh! My biggest pet peeve is manslaughter!" or "I can't stand it when people scam old women!") I'm sure there are worse annoyances out there. In fact, you can share yours with me in the comment section, if you like, and I will see if it's worse than mine.

But I don't think it will be! This thing is so peevish to me, so irritating, so infuriating, so... so... SO mmgph!!! I'm glad I'm writing this blog while Brian's at work, or else otherwise, I'd be getting angry at him for just being in the same room while I write about it! In fact, Bo just left my side and walked to the opposite end of the house!

It's BAD, people!

If I ever saw one of you, my dear readers, do this pet peeve of mine, you can be sure I would instantly and fervently despise you, despite any admiration I'd previously held for your sorry butt. And I'm not sure you could ever win back my coveted approval.

Okay, do you want to know what it is?

HEY, did I put you to sleep? Wake up! I'm trying to tell you what my biggest pet peeve is!!!

Okay, here it is!




(Now, imagine that written down this page a hundred more times and the slight annoyance you'd feel would be nothing compared to the rage that fills me when I see someone




We have a small lake next to our house. It's part of a private park for residents of our subdivision, and many of the residents invite their friends or family to come fish in the lake. Now, this is allowed and it's perfectly fine, and it always makes me kind of happy to see a couple guys standing on the shore, lazily fishing in the summer sun. Reminds me of the old days.

But oh, oh, oh, the furious-ity I feel when I take Bo down for his walk early the next morning and I see their junk strewn across the grass and the picnic tables. Fast food bags and wrappers and cups, fishing lure packages, Gatorade bottles, CapriSun packets, and ants a-covering the trash. This morning it was sodden with rain, and I had to dig Burger King napkins out of the grass while shooing Bo away from a slippery styrofoam cup on the sand.

Seriously, is there anything that says, "ENTITLEMENT!" louder than tossing your refuse onto the grass of a pristine park? These people must literally walk through life thinking that they are KINGS of the EARTH, and therefore it is theirs to trash. For crying out loud, people, it's a privilege to fish here! And there's a trash can twenty yards away!

I've taken to bringing a trash bag with me on my morning walks, but on a recent midday stroll with Bo and the neighbor's son, I realized I'd left it at home. And, of course, there was MORE trash scattered on the sandy beach area. The raucous group of fishing dummies that had left it were, right then!, out in a canoe in the middle of the water.

I resisted the urge to abandon the dogs and the toddler to swim out to the canoe and force feed those fools their litter. Fortunately, however, they'd left their t-shirts on the picnic table bench. In my fierce yet righteous anger, I wrapped their nice, clean shirts around the bulk of their garbage and ground the whole package into the sand.

I was satisfied to see that they hadn't finished the last of their Coke. It seeped from the cans and stained their shirts sticky and brown.

I still had to pick it all up the next morning, but I noticed they'd taken their shirts before re-scattering the trash. Yes, I know that wasn't the High Road, but I'm glad I took it. Yes, I'm glad I took it and I'll take it again, and if I ever see you litter, I'll rain holy hellfire down on you and you'll live to regret it! REGRET IT, I tell you!

Because you'll never get that Coke stain out of your clothes!

Thank you for listening,



  1. Maegan you are HILARIOUS!!! I laughed the whole time I was reading this!!!!

    And I agree. I loath seeing someone mindlessly toss something on the ground or throw something out of the car. But alas, I must control my anger... ;)

  2. Thank you Alisani! I'm glad to share a pet peeve with someone so dear to me.