Why no couple has any business being up this early. Together.

Wednesday morning, 5:45 A.M. Jogging.

Brian: "You have been promising for the last five days that you're going to cut Bo's nails. And put his tick medicine on him. Are you ever going to do that?"

Me: "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I just hate doing that stuff. It makes him so miserable."

Brian: "Just please do it. Gosh, honey, I mean, I know I joke about you being an unfaithful wife, but this stuff really bothers me. When you promise you're going to do something - "

Me: "Okay. Okay! Fine."

6:00 A.M. Walking into the house.

Brian: "Are you finally going to put the netting over the trees today? Or are you going to waste my money and let the deer eat them as soon as they start growing?"

Me: "Yes, I'll do it today. Sorry I haven't done it yet."

Brian (Muttering beneath his breath): "...wasting my money.... killing me..."

6:05 A.M. Pulling three ticks off the dog.

Brian: "You have got to put his tick stuff on him today. This is killing me."

Me: "I get it, Brian! I'll do it, okay?"

6:10 A.M. Pulling Brian's lunch ingredients out of the fridge.

Brian: "Yuck! Did you wash your hands?!?"

Me (Rolling eyes): "Sorry. I forgot." (Washes hands.)

Brian: "I'm telling your mom that she didn't teach you cleanliness. What kind of a person - "

Me (Throwing down the carrots): "That's it! I've had it! Quit nagging me about everything! Everything you've said this morning has been nagging! Just try this, okay? How about for every ten nagging comments, just say one nice thing! Is that too hard for you?"

Brian (Biting into banana, pausing thoughtfully): "Ummm......"

Me (Voice rising to a screech): "Not one nice thing? Come on, Brian! This is ridiculous!"

Brian: "Well, you don't smell like poop."