Tuesday, September 2, 2014

In case ANYONE was wondering.

We were visiting in Charlevoix this past weekend and we popped in to see Brian's grandma.

No sooner had we hugged her and said hello, did she ask, "So, you're havin' another one?" The shock on my face must have registered because she added, "That's the surprise, right?"

I have no idea what she was talking about.

"Um, NO," I replied, caught off guard. Then, defensively: "Well, I mean, the Lord knows." Instantly, feeling like that was a cryptic comment, I added, "I mean, well - whenever. Not yet." Why didn't it come out right? Finally I just smiled and bounced Barrett on my hip. "Want to hold him?"

If someone asks you that, and you smile and shrug, they instantly think you ARE pregnant and you're hiding it.
If you answer NO, with any hint of anything whatsoever, you either imply that you WANT to be and you're sad that you're not, OR that you ARE but you're lying about it, or that you're closed as an iron door to getting pregnant and that they'd better tread no longer on such sensitive ground.

Truly, I'm not pregnant, and I feel no way about that fact other than slight relief and a bit of anticipation. I hope the Lord blesses us again. I kind of hope it's not imminent. I want to enjoy being in shape a bit longer - get in better shape, even. I am terrified of being so exhausted again. I want to enjoy having two kids, and the simplicity of that, before jumping into three.

Still, there's something so exciting about letting God decide at this time in our lives. There's fear, and trepidation, but there's also a bit of daydreaming that happens. Will we be pregnant again this time next year? Will we have another boy, or maybe a girl this time? Will we find out ahead of time, or wait again? If it's a boy, what on EARTH will we name him? How will I keep myself healthier next time?

Anyway, all of this pondering made its way into my dreams last night.

I took the test in the girls' bathroom in the school wing at church. I came out of the stall, stunned. "I have never seen such a positive pregnancy test," I told Annie Pearson, who was standing next to me at the counter, wearing a peach colored top. I showed her the test, with not only two lines but FOUR. "That must mean twins," she said, her eyes twinkling. "Congratulations!" Then she added, gesturing to the handful of extra tests I was gripping, "Our ministry in the Philippines could sure use those pregnancy tests!" "Here." I shoved them into her hands. "I won't need them." She saw the fear on my face and gave me a big hug. "It's wonderful!" she told me. "Enjoy this!"

So. Analyze that.

No comments:

Post a Comment